The First Weeks of Motherhood - the "uncut" edition.

My little "Puffin"

Beginning in our earliest of days, life has a way of easing us into things.

We use training wheels before we can ride a bike on our own.

We have the option of riding on the bunny hill before we tackle the black diamond trail.

We have class time to learn the material before it will be put on the big test.

We even get to practice driving a car before we become a lawful driver.

As we grow up, a lot of things change - but we are still allowed those chances to ease into things.

College allows us to take countless courses to ease our way into our chosen careers.

We are engaged, or live with someone before embarking on the journey of marriage.

Even when buying a home, we are allowed to tour it, and take time with our decision.

Although women are pregnant for 9 months {or close to} I am a firm believer that motherhood {or parenting in general} is one thing that can not be eased into.

During my pregnancy, I {as well as my husband} received countless words of advice from mothers, fathers, grandparents, anyone really. I have always been one that likes to be prepared, organized, and ready for upcoming events {something that drives my husband, and others crazy!} I listened intently to all {most} of the advice I was given, and tried to take everything in.I read book after book, studied blogs and websites, trying to get this whole motherhood idea in check before the "big day".

I knew how to swaddle a baby, what not to feed them, and how to develop a positive sleep pattern because I was told those were things I "needed to know". I thought I was set. Noah was born at 8:42am on 1.7.11 - and it only took me until 8:43am to realize that I was NOT prepared for how my life had changed in what seemed like a blink of an eye.

The only stories of motherhood that I were told might as well have been lined in rainbow sprinkles and covered in pixie dust. You might imagine my surprise that within the first weeks of bringing our little bundle home, I was not feeling any of those fairytale-esque feelings. In fact, I was overwhelmed, sleep deprived, and bordering on the line of miserable. Every parent I talked to must have forgotten to enlighten us that most new babies only have  

2 modes: sleeping or screaming/crying for the first couple of weeks. 

Mode#2 - the crying/screaming

{in his defense, I was upset that the Ducks lost the BCS Championship too}

 

 

The first week{s} of motherhood was hard. Plain and simple. I've lived 23 years of my life for ME, and now we have brought this tiny little wide eyed baby into our home who is strictly reliant on us. It was a hard transition to make, and the fact that I felt it was hard to give my everything to our child made me feel like a horrible mother. 

*Please, if any soon to be moms are reading this, DO NOT feel like a horrible person, or that you're not cut out to be a mother. It's ok to feel overwhelmed, being somebody's mother is a huge life change, and it's normal!*

The feelings faded for me on their own and the moments afterwards are definitely worth it.

I say this, because I kind of wish someone would have been real with me. I know that it sounds horrible when I say there were nights that I cried and just handed Noah to Mike saying "I don't know what the {enter vulgarity of choice} to do! Take him...", or that I questioned if I was even cut out to be a mom...but it was a reality. When both Noah and I got used to our new lives {his as a new life, and mine as a mother} we got the hang of it - and it's been amazing ever since. Each day he finds a new way to make me fall in love with him all over again. Whether it's him smiling, holding his head up, or the look he gets right before he ...well you get the idea.

And even though motherhood does not come with a set of training wheels, I think those first hard weeks are important. I learned a lot about myself, and who I want to be in the future through those sleep deprived, spit up covered, hectic weeks. 

I wouldn't change them for the world.

Day 1: the First time holding him